Thursday, January 17, 2008

Random Kindness in a Random How to Blog

Ok, so a lot a of bad things have happened to me over the course of the last 2 years ending in a big roller coaster of even more bad things in 2 weeks.

I split up with my girlfriend or she split up with me, I was kicked out of my home and basically left with nothing in the middle of winter. I also received some very bad news you may or may not have already seen. I wont get into that however. And aside form that bad news she I found out that she has been seeing someone else since about 3 days after we split. I know this stuff happens to everyone and I need to get over it, so lets not go there. I know things will get better, its been pounded into my head for days now. I understand all of that.

The point is that not a lot of good things have been happening to me lately.
And then I checked my email. I received a donation form one of my readers. I am really not used to kindness form people or random strangers for that matter. I havn't seen a lot of it in my life. It actually made me happy for a short time, well I am still happy but not about anything else in my life.

I have no money, no job. I used to work in a kitchen for some time so all of my clothes had been destroyed from work since uniforms were not supplied. Most of the money I had went towards bills and then whatever was left over was just enough to pay for the necessary things. I worked most of the time to get by so clothes to wear out weren't needed since I don't go out. My buddy thought that if he came here and clicked on my adsence ads 42 times in one minute he would make money for me. I never suggested this and he did it on his own. I understand the adsence terms of use. Anyway that led to my account being disabled for LIFE. Just another crappy thing I found out on the day my girlfriend and I split.

Anyway. I recently set up google analytics on this blog. I set it up maybe a week ago and since then my laser tutorial has had 325 page views alone. the total page views for this entire blog are 442. Im not sure where people are finding my blog but they are. I have had people come here from iphones, ps3 browsers and psp browsers. It is amazing. I know what country, state, city, and town the hits are coming form but what I don't know is where they are finding me. I am pretty sure I have a good ranking in google so some of it could be from there.

I guess I went all over the place there. I guess my ability to stay on topic kind of represents how my mind has been working the last week. It has been all over the place. I'm happy sad depressed, angry and scared of my future all at the same time.

To top it off my birthday is on Sunday. I will be turning 28, getting older but feeling like I am just falling further and further behind.

I will consider the donation left to me as a birthday gift. And ask that if anyone else is feeling generous I will note that I am not opposed to asking for some help and maybe a few more birthday gifts from some of my random visitors. Im just in really bad times right now. I know that I am not the only one who has problems but I can also admit when I am beat down and need help. Thank you for reading.

I hope to bring an end to the tutorial soon however I will make no promises. I am constantly trying to come up with content for this blog and right now my life is all that is on my mind and where I will end up next. Not knowing where I will end up is why I need a laptop. I have to be able to keep on this blog if nothing else.


Starshaped said...

hey there, you're not a loser, hang in there buddy! I know exactly how you feel. I have been feeling pretty rough ever since my parents split up, my dad began typesetting a bunch of books about a subject I have a phobia of, I had to cover that same subject at school and have ended up with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result, I started getting fatter and everyone seems to think I'm teasing fodder, my friends started acting like I'm not one of them and I am rubbish at pretty much everything. I feel like a piece of ****. And it's no fun. I know just how you feel, you just have to celebrate the smallest of good things and keep holding on to the positive. Even like the sun rising every morning!

All the time I carry this weight around with me and I know I'll never get rid of it completely. But I tell myself I won't have it so painfully forever, and time heals. Even if sometimes I feel like I've walked down a dead end and that's the end of everything, I know deep inside I can, and will, survive. It's times like these we come to understand how resilient we are. So hang in there - good stuff is probably just round the corner.
What doesn't kill you outright usually makes you stronger!

Jack said...

I have always enjoyed your laser post. Hope that things are getting better for you.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear of your hard times. As Starshaped said, "hang in there". I wish I could help, one day later on, I may do that, (I've been out of work for over a year now). Main reason I sent this is to let you know how I found you. (You were wondering). Found your "how-to" for the laser on search engine. Don't trust Google, Yahoo, etc.
Take care man!

The How To Guy said...

So it is 5 years later or so and my life is going pretty good now. Totally went through some crazy shit there for a while though :)

All is well now.